Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's prominent comedians used the evening criticizing President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas song targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."

The subject was the controversial initiative that allows foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.